HEDGE MAZE PART ONE

One sunny morning in Crete I decided that I would one day write a coffee table book on the hedge mazes of Western Europe as no such source (to my knowledge) exists on the subject. However, after experiencing not one by THREE hedge mazes in Eastern Europe, I’ve decided to expand the book to include all of Europe. And now while I am sipping milchkaffee in Berlin with some free wifi time before my train takes off, I have the motivation to get started on this amazing project.

Ambitious, I know, but here’s the first delicious sample of the book that will rest on all your $10 Ikea coffee tables along with last nights dinner plates and the remote:

Hampton Court Palace hedge Maze:

Nestled in the gardens around Henry VIII’s palace outside London, this maze was originally used to get rid of wives. Henry had his gardeners design the most difficult labyrinth possible so he could throw in the ladies and never have to see their faces ever again. 3 hedge trimmers and a handful of servant children lost their lives in the labyrinth and never made it to the clearing in the center with the giant tree. Luckily, people today aren’t nearly as stupid as those poor unfortunate souls and can easily make it through the maze in 3 minutes flat if they mow over all the little whining children and moseying tourists cramping their style. And if you do make it to the middle, you can glimpse the bones of those who never made it out. The English historical society keeps them in special bag marked hazardous waste, its good fun! Overall, it’s a nice maze. Unnamed sources claim it to be the best in the UK. The hedges need a bit of miracle grow through- there weren’t any rough limbs trying to pull me into massive tangles of vines. And the lack of port key at the end is a bit disappointing.